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had not a single class today which was awesome and was told that most of the 2nd years are out with the flu from their field trip which means i can’t see the poor kids and make christmas cards…save for homeroom 25 who is the welfare focused class and apparently they were all fine and dandy which tracks for them ROFL. so they will be my only class tomorrow :(

spent most of the work day drawing on my IPAD! for a lesson for the 2nd years at the special needs school! these are images that they’ll look at for maybe all of 2 minutes but to be honest it’s also very fun for me. and a little self-indulgent… like yay i essentially get to draw a comic and make people look at it! though i haven’t made a big dent in the whole thing i imagine it’ll take the full week… but that’s okay i have nothing else to do LOL

and i didn’t go to any BJJ class last week (though I DID TRY) so the nerves were a little amplified to get back onto the mats after some time… like genuinely i have to start mentally preparing at like 12pm for these classes idk they’re really tough on me T_T like i enjoy the actual sport i don’t mind getting tousled around at all it’s literally everything around it that makes me anxious idk bruh but as we know it’s a 3 minute walk so i’m in through the doors before my choices can even dawn on me. i’m happy to be able to push through and still go, i imagine it’s going to feel like that for a long time and i’ve felt that feeling many many times before but you know! i grit my teeth and incorrectly tie my belt and fuss with my braided hair and i go. this will amount to something even if it takes everything i have to will it to T_T literally had to tell myself that just going to class is the goal today lol

it was lia-sensei teaching today :) she’s so nice… i like her classes a lot but especially because she includes real stretching on top of the warm-ups yay mobility! today we covered a sweep and with lots of instruction and doing it slowly i think i got the hang of the first movement at least kinda. and i have never felt like i had even kinda had the hang of almost anything taught in class so i will take that as a win. lia-sensei was trying to teach me the triangle leg lock and it wasn’t really clicking but she was really patient and said that she knows it’s hard at first but it’ll become easy. very generic advice you may think but after many classes of yukari-sensei shaking her head at me until i accidentally do something right, it meant a lot to hear ok…and during sparring i just played up defense and survival as usual and got the sweep that we learned today off a few times!! and also tried to practice my takedowns so i’m not just slapping hands forever at the start.. did my best to not gas out off the rip because another thing i’m trying to practice better is breathing and while that’s more for my running it did help me calm down while getting choked. lia-sensei threw me some bones in the form of jouzus!!! but all in all… i enjoyed the class :) statistically i will have to go through a few weeks of hell now but i may go to tomorrow’s fundamental’s class if my gi can get dried off at the coin laundry!